As children grow older, many divorced parents find themselves facing decisions that come with new milestones—such as getting their child a car. It may seem like a great idea to share the cost and responsibility of purchasing a vehicle together. After all, both parents want what’s best for their child, right? But at Grey Rock Communications, we’ve seen time and time again that this is often a recipe for conflict.
Here’s why we strongly recommend that divorced parents never purchase a vehicle together, or own property together of any kind:
1. Co-Ownership Creates Unnecessary Entanglements
Once divorced, co-owning anything—whether it's a house, a car, or even furniture—creates an ongoing connection between ex-spouses that often leads to new conflicts. A car, for example, is not just a one-time purchase. There are insurance payments, maintenance decisions, and even disagreements over where and how the car is used.
When things go wrong (and they often do), the child gets caught in the middle. Disputes over repairs, accidents, or insurance claims often spill over into other areas of co-parenting. This can negatively affect both the parents' relationship and the child's experience.
2. Who Controls What?
When two parents share ownership of a car, there’s often confusion over control. Who gets to make decisions about repairs? Who takes charge when it’s time to renew the registration or pay insurance? If one parent makes a decision without consulting the other, it can easily lead to anger and resentment.
Discipline: "I'm Taking Your Keys!"
A big one we hear is that parents will use the car to punish the teen as a disciplinary action. When you own a car together, this is a real possibility. However, when one parent owns the car, this is way less likely.
For narcissistic or high-conflict co-parents, this situation becomes even more complicated. Control and power dynamics are often at play, with each parent feeling the need to exert authority over the vehicle—and, by extension, the child.
3. Insurance Nightmares
Jointly owning a car brings insurance into the picture, and insurance can be a major point of contention. If one parent lets the insurance lapse, it impacts the entire situation. Not to mention, figuring out who pays for the insurance, how it’s split, and what happens if the car is in an accident, are all possible flashpoints for disagreement.
At Grey Rock Communications, we see this as a potential headache that can be easily avoided by having one parent take full ownership of the vehicle and any associated responsibilities.
4. Financial Disputes
Even the best-intentioned arrangements can quickly sour when finances are involved. When a car needs repairs or new tires, who pays for it? Does the cost get split? What happens if one parent refuses to pay their share? Financial disputes are one of the biggest causes of post-divorce conflict, and jointly purchasing a car for a child can open the door to new financial arguments.
5. Protecting Your Peace
At Grey Rock Communications, we teach our members how to reduce conflict with narcissistic or high-conflict exes. Jointly purchasing a car introduces a level of involvement that can easily escalate tension and provide opportunities for manipulation or control. Keeping finances and ownership clearly separated is one of the best ways to maintain your boundaries and peace.
What’s the Alternative?
Instead of jointly purchasing a vehicle, we recommend that one parent take full responsibility for buying the car, including the title, insurance, and maintenance. The other parent can contribute financially if they choose to, but it should be in the form of a gift, not ownership. This way, the boundaries remain clear, and any future issues with the car fall on the shoulders of the single owner.
Conclusion
While it may seem convenient or cost-effective to share the burden of buying a car for your child, doing so often leads to new complications and conflicts. For divorced parents, especially those dealing with a narcissistic ex, maintaining clear boundaries is key to reducing unnecessary disputes. Remember: Divorced parents shouldn’t own property together, including vehicles.