In a Narcissist’s world, you must comply or be crushed. The perceptions of a narcissist are their reality, and no amount of reasoning or evidence will change their delusional views, especially when it comes to their own accountability. If you couldn't influence their perceptions while in a close relationship, don't waste your time trying again. Narcissists live in their own world, and no matter how false or unreal it appears to you, for them, it’s their survival strategy. As soon as a narcissist perceives that you have a voice and a right to your own existence, the trouble starts. There's no possibility of two-way communication with them; the more you assert your individuality, the more they resist.
The Struggle for Control
Narcissists thrive on control and power. Their façade is impenetrable because it must be to prevent them from self-destructing if people knew the truth. When you try to assert yourself, they perceive it as a threat. This is especially challenging in personal, professional, familial, or intimate relationships. How much of yourself, your work, your aspirations do you have to sacrifice to save your life and psyche from the destructive assaults of a narcissistic abuser?
Engaging with Their Chaos
Never engage with their chaos and conflict because their aim is to diminish and control you to support their agenda. Narcissists are masters of spin and diversionary tactics, using brute verbal force, emotional dismissiveness, psychological games, and delusional reasoning. When you present facts that contradict their beliefs, they bamboozle you with off-topic tangents, changing the subject, or creating new accusations against you. It’s never about facts but about distorting them to support their agenda. While you defend your original point, they dismiss you and distract with unrelated topics, condemning you with nonsensical arguments.
No Capacity for Truth
Narcissists have no capacity for context or truth. Either you see things their way, or you must be crushed. You cannot respectfully agree to disagree with them. Any criticism or difference of opinion is seen as a challenge to their authority and control. This is met with devaluation, demeaning behavior, and attempts to destroy your self-esteem. They are determined to maintain control and exert power over you, viewing you as an object meant to serve them.
Tactics of Manipulation
Narcissists employ various tactics when their control is challenged:
- Raging: When all else fails, they resort to loud and deliberate raging. The more wrong they are, the louder and more resolute their attacks become. They will talk over you, shout, or give the silent treatment until you submit and apologize for your "offense."
- Diversion: They are adept at diverting from the truth with pathological bullying. For example, if you discover their infidelity, they will concoct incredible stories, followed by extreme rage attacks to deflect the blame onto you.
Seeing the Complete Picture
One day, you will see the complete picture. You will understand what they are and what you aren't. Narcissists create delusional turmoil to run away from the truth of who they are. While they slither into someone else’s life to find new supply, they throw lies at you to smear your integrity and destroy you. They never admit their wrongdoings and constantly seek new victims.
The Only Solution: No Contact
A narcissist is a terroristic bully who steamrolls anyone who disagrees with them. They aim to control not just their reality but everyone else's as well. Allowing a narcissist to determine reality is like letting an inmate run the asylum. The only way to deal with a narcissist is to discard them from your life and maintain no or minimal contact.
Protect your well-being and sanity by understanding that you cannot change or influence a narcissist. Focus on your own growth and healing, free from their destructive influence.