Block your narcissist. From everything!! Phone, texts, Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, EVERYTHING! Why? Because blocking the narcissist ex is the very best chance you have for emotional peace.
It may seem a bit radical. Perhaps it is. But extreme situations call for radical solutions. Being in a relationship with a narcissist is an emotional rollercoaster. They gaslight you, devalue you, use their flying monkeys, and hoover you. They employ a large swath of different strategies to keep you hooked on their abuse patterns.
This brings me to reason number one to
BLOCK YOUR NARCISSIST EX!!!!
You deserve peace - The longer you were with your narcissist, the worse the abuse is "stuck" inside of you. Many people who were abused by them report having lifelong "triggers" that will send them into an emotional frenzy. It could be a text, a message or a call and all of the sudden, you're right back in the middle of the abuse pattern. You're reeling emotionally and it could take you a day or two or more to recover from it.
Narcissists are masters of emotional manipulation. They are experts on the subject of YOU! They know exactly the buttons to push to get you to the crazy that they seek. They want you to yell at them. They want you to react. Then they can point the finger at you and say "See, you're crazy." It's a sickness that will never go away or change.
THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE!!
Let me guess. You're an empathetic and hopeful person who is trustworthy and honest. How do I know that? Because narcissists seek out exactly your type as their new supply/target. They go after us becuase they can trust our honesty and can predict our behaviors based on our moral-based behaviors.
As hopeful people, we always try to give others the benefit of the doubt. We hope they will learn, change or be trained because they see the harm they're causing. We wanna believe that surely no one can be that cold and callous. Well, guess what? We are WRONG! Narcissists will NEVER change. No matter how many times we give them the benefit of the doubt, they will remain the manipulative, gaslighting, unapologetic liar that they are with you. They will not change or get better.
Here's a video about how Narcissists don't ever change.
YOU'RE ALLOWED TO MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE!!
By entertaining their communications, you're participating in their abuse. While you're doing that, you will never be able to successfully move on with your life. What? Yep. I said it. You're continuing to invite them to abuse you.
People you may date could see this and accuse you of "not being over your ex." New partners won't understand your fascination with your ex-narcissist and might encourage you to "get over it." Those who haven't been abused don't understand completely so we can't blame them for that. But, from experience, I can tell you that the sooner you block their access to you, the quicker you can move forward.
In my own story, I only respond to ONE email per MONTH from my narcissist ex-wife. I relegated her down to that number and I have finally gained the peace that I couldn't seem to find. She doesn't have access to me through my phone at all. (Yes, I have an emergency plan in place just in case) She doesn't get to me. I am UNAVAILABE and DISENGAGED from her.
THEY MAY END UP LEAVING YOU ALONE
The biggest thing you can hope for by having a narcissist ex is that they leave you alone. You don't know relief until that huge, gaslighting, abusive burden is finally lifted from your life. It's like you were driving with the emergency brake engaged and couldn't figure out why your car wouldn't go faster. Like you had a 100 lb weight attached to your back and couldn't win a foot race.
When they leave you alone, you almost don't know what to do with the freedom and peace you feel. At first, there may be an urge to just go check on them. Send a little message. You may feel a sense of safety because you've avoided the emotional ups and downs.
Do not let that sense of safety fool you. It's like the bunny rabbit feeling safe while eating right next to the snake. You wanna tell the bunny to run (hop) away!!! Your ex-narcissist is the snake. They are just waiting for you to let your guard down so they can wrap you up again and mess with your life.
YOU WILL BE HELPING YOUR KIDS
By blocking your narcissist ex, you are also helping your children. How do I mean? Children are amazing at picking up vibes and signals. If you get a gaslighting text on your phone, it can cause panic in your body. You may even experience actual physical symptoms to the emotions the messages invoke.
Your kids want and need you to be a solid, stable, calm foundation. They NEED you to be the calm in the midst of the storm that is their life after divorce. You are the one they can count on. You are the one that can make sense of the chaos.
But if you're in a constant state of chaos becuase of manipulative abuse from your ex, you won't have that 100% to give to your children. You simply can't be caught in abuse AND give them your all. Your children deserve the version of you that doesn't submit to or invite in the abuse patterns of the crazy narcissist. They deserve the version of you that is emotionally stable and solid.
HOW CAN YOU BLOCK A NARCISSIST WHO SHARES CUSTODY?
I know, you are asking, "but we have to communicate because of the kids." Believe me, I get it. I have three minor children with my ex-wife and I know that there are a number of things that we are required to communicate about. How can we do both? How can we effectively communicate without the emotional gaslighting and abuse?
Well, since the abuser won't change, we have to do something radical. At Grey Rock, we have come up with a viable solution that gives our clients the peace they seek while still communicating with a narcissist ex. Check out our solutions to block your narcissist ex and connect with us today to schedule a time to talk.